Welcome to The Door to E. A series-style newsletter for people obsessed with exploring, explaining, and expanding ideas to unlock human potential. Each week, I publish around 3 chosen series that share ideas, experiences, and stories to help you design your life.
This is an overarching “mini book” that acts as a portal to other posts I’ll make around personal growth.
Thank you for reading, and please forward this mini-book to anyone who you think needs to walk on the journey.
Dear Friend,
I didn’t think I would write this long piece here. I had no plans to write this at the time I’m writing it. As most of my relatives say “stuff like this should be left to do in retirement”.
But sadly, they lack the foresight to record insights and opinions. I can’t argue with them over my thoughts.
While I’m no expert in writing about personal growth, god knows I have kinks in my armor, I just assumed that, just for the sake of recording thoughts, experiences, and opinions I don’t have to be an expert.
I’m a seeker and a student at heart.
And this is a cover for the series that is about to diverge from here.
What is Personal Growth for me?
Imagine that one day you feel light -light on your mind, light on your feet, light on your heart… almost like you know you’ve given up all the unnecessary baggage and stress and traded it in for knowledge, wisdom, and energy.
Like chipping away at a marble to finally reveal the statue. That’s personal growth.
It is about knowing yourself.
Most people assume that personal growth means to add stuff into your life, to challenge your limits and break past into your realm of true potential. We think it's about gaining new skills, but in reality, it is way more than just skills, it is also about what you lose.
We must shed the excess stress to let our minds and personalities transform from what they are to what they can be.
The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself
7 Lessons I’m still learning
Nobody knows what they are doing - I had this bad perspective about people that anyone who is doing better than me, is calmer and happier than me knows what they're doing, and has figured out their entire life. But 3 months on Twitter were enough for me to realize that everyone is just doing what they think is right. There is no right answer to any question in life. One person's treasure can be another's nightmare. So everything is subjective and contextual.
You work to live, not the other way around - People boast about a 4-hour work week, some boast of an 80-hour work week. I thought that to be amazing feats of hard work and productivity… but I’ve changed my opinion on this since I realized, that you work to supplement your life, it is not and should not be the other way around.
Think, Think a lot, think wide and deep - For years big and smart people on the internet and the online business world have put a bias towards action. And I get it, no work, no reward, but if your actions aren’t backed with clear thinking or strategy… are you really a man or a machine? How clearly can you explain your actions to someone else if you had to? I’ve always favored thinking, it's my favorite thing in the world, so much so that I’m building a business out of it. If you can’t think clearly, you can’t communicate clearly and hence you can’t act clearly. Think from different perspectives, and explore perspectives and opinions.
Detours are okay - There are times when plans go wrong, and god knows they’ve gone haywire on more than 3 occasions in the last 5 years. And it used to bother me, So much so that I developed anxiety and overthinking in my behavior. But as I learn with every word, every step, every day… going back to square one isn’t such a bad thing after all. It’s actually rewarding to know that you tried something most people didn’t even attempt to execute. Anything and everything is a fodder for future action.
Asking for Help isn’t that bad - I’ve sucked at getting help. When I snooped around a little I learned that it is a hard thing for most people. But the problem isn’t the act of asking for help, that’s easy… it's the psychological aspects of it that most people and I struggle with. Will I bother them? What will they think of me? Does this mean I’m weak? All valid questions so here’s the way to make it enjoyable instead of asking for help without context, frame it as “I’m doing this, and I’ve tried X so far, do you have any other thoughts on the matter”. Puts you in the pilot seat right from the get-go and makes asking for help a little less self-inflicting.
Limits are good - You’ve probably heard people talking about breaking and surpassing limits. I don’t think that is necessarily true. To put it into perspective, what happens to a balloon if you keep pumping air knowing full well that it has its limits? It's gonna burst with a big pop. Similarly do that to a human and you get burnouts, boreouts, and depression. Limits don’t exist for you to break them, they exist to make you creative.
Anxiety and Overthinking aren’t bad - It is a popular belief that anxiety and overthinking are signs of a weak and untrained mind. I used to think that too. Mostly because I have these and must deal with them every day. But if you look at it from another angle, anxiety and overthinking only come to people who are sensitive to events. And by definition, Anxiety is fear, dread, and uneasiness. And overthinking is to think too much… but I interpret this as being able to sense something wrong and formulate multiple scenarios, which also means I can think more and simulate more than someone whose mind isn't as sensitive. So that flaw is my superpower now. Everything that you think is wrong with you is just a narrative that can be changed.
Some suggest you should break past your limits and fears, while some say go with the flow and I don’t know what’s true in either of these situations.
So I’m using myself as the research and experimentation subject to reach and align myself with my goal of being a writer and living a slow life. That’s what I’m rewriting my narrative to – a relentless pursuit of slow living.
Simple 10-Step guide I’m using for Personal Growth
It’s not the first time I’ve used this method, but this time the stakes are a little higher because you and my friends may benefit from this… so I’m not cutting back on the details in any way.
Reflect on core values - To grow you must confront yourself with brutal honesty. What do you believe, why do not do the things you don’t, what’s something you should be doing but aren’t despite knowing that it can help you get to where you want to be? Introspection is the foundation of all personal growth.
Recognize areas of improvement - What are your long-term goals? Pinpoint parts of life that need to be improved for you to reach that goal. Is it Mental? Physical? Find your strengths and weaknesses and habits you’d like to change.
Set Clear & Tangible Goals - Now that you have your long-term goals, your strengths and weaknesses, it's time to set short-term goals. 3 months or weekly or even daily goals. Make sure the goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART goals).
Make an Action Plan - You won’t hit your SMART goals easily if you rely on your willpower. You need a detailed plan of action and systems. The good thing about SMART goals is that they are easy to chop up into bite-sized actions you can do every day that will compound over time.
Tackle Challenges - Just setting an action plan isn’t going to do you any good. Most plans fail because people miss a step in execution, but all plans fail when you don’t act on them. The moment you start acting on those plans, you’ll face resistance from your current self because it senses change. And that’s the challenge you should be tackling head-on like a flying arrow reaching its target.
Practice Self Compassion - There will be times when you fail to execute. There will be times when you are too tired when you feel like giving up when you feel like it’s impossible. And that’s okay, the worst thing you can do in that situation is force yourself and be hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, take a break, and know that there is another day because if you brute force it now, you will hit burnout cause you didn’t let your mind and body recover. You did not let it get used to the transformation you are going through. Be kind to yourself, cause no one knows what’s happening to you but you.
Positive Micro Habits - Identify positive habits that align with your goals and vision. Stuff like Journaling, Exercise, having a glass of water with electrolytes in the morning, getting 8 hours of sleep, and doing something creative every day. As long as they build character and make it easy for you to execute on your plan, anything is good.
Self Audit and Feedback - You don’t need anyone to start the journey of personal growth, but you may need someone to guide you later on. If you take up the habit of journaling you’ll come across all the problems you haven’t been able to solve yet, and that’s the time you should reach out to someone whose opinion and perspective you value. But you must be open to constructive criticism for this to work, so only reach out for specific problems.
Derive insights from experience - By now you’ll have faced enough, written enough, experienced enough, and asked enough to find what should be done, shouldn't be done, needs to be done, and can be avoided completely. Make a list of what you’ve learned and what change it brought in your life for that moment. And instill those insights in your daily demeanor.
Become intentional - You’ve put in the effort, executed the plan, reached out to some people, or even learned from your experience. But now it’s time to strip them all down. Being intentional doesn’t mean chasing goals. Being intentional is being in control of the one big desire that you want to reach. Are the people you hang out with getting you there? Do you see your work giving you peace in 5 years? Is waking up early serving you well? Did quitting Netflix make an impact? Pick and choose your commitments to be in touch with who you are, because the end goal isn’t to be a workhorse or an emotionless machine. The end goal is to know that life has constraints, but you get to choose the constraints that make you blissful, effective, and at ease with yourself.
The moment you find yourself being content when you are alone with yourself and your thoughts or you realize that you don’t need anyone to make you feel complete is the day you have truly applied and implemented all the principles successfully.
Published Articles from Personal Growth Mondays
Final Words
I’m fully aware that this isn’t even remotely enough to cover. But this is a start and I’m treating it as an Atlas to build an effective map to my identity which can be used by you too.
You are the sculpture of your life – every thought, habit, and action determines your identity. So it’s your duty to be responsible to yourself first before doing it for anybody else.
I’ll probably keep adding extra pieces to the series too.
Because a learner's journey never ends.
See you on the thought train.
S