Welcome to The Door to E. A series-style newsletter for people obsessed with exploring, explaining, and expanding ideas to unlock human potential. Each week, I publish around 3 chosen series that share ideas, experiences, and stories to help you design your life.
This essay is a part of the Personal Growth Monday series.
Thank you for reading, and please forward this to anyone who you think needs to walk on the journey.
Dear Friends, Seekers, and Everyone else
Self-worth is something I have trouble dealing with. And it's been that way for some good 5 to 6 years since I fought an internal battle.
One moment I feel invincible and the next, I'm in a deep dark hole feeling useless.
But the moment I realized my self-worth was based on other people's opinions, things changed fast. (not that I'm all the way there)
Questions kept running around in my brain
What if Self-worth is a meaningless concept? What if we are Worthless to begin with? What if that ties in with Emptiness?
That would mean, your worth isn't defined by what you are or what people think about you.
Wouldn't it be more realistic to think that your actions, purpose, and intentions that you choose yourself to be at the center of the calculation you would do for this thing we collectively call Self-worth or Self-esteem?
Worth via Purpose
When we let achievements and acquisitions determine our course, we're living an illusion that happiness comes from external measures of success, but all too often we find that when we finally get what we want, when we find success, it doesn't lead to happiness.
~ Think like a monk, Jay Shetty.
This is one of my favorite lines from Jay Shetty's book "Think Like a Monk''. I believe that it's tru for Self worth as well.
It is an irony to see that when most people think about self-worth or when most people who have problems with self-worth, often place the "self" and "worth" independently.
You are not born with a self-worth, to give it away or assign it to something. And the next bad thing you can do is get trapped in an identity (as I did).
For the longest time, I believed & lived like an INTROVERT. But that limited my movements -- it made me shy, afraid of the spotlight, and very timid.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still an introvert, only this time INTROVERT is not who I am, it's just a part of me. I'm still quiet, and timid but I'm not that afraid of the spotlight anymore. I still don't like talking to groups, but I love talking to a person and having deep conversations.
Because I found my purpose and natural tendencies. You see, I love knowledge and working with it. So I made it my purpose to help curate and create info products for the neo educators on the internet.
Labels only hold you back, because you will also identify with specific road bumps and drawbacks.
Don't embody identity, embody intentions.
Positive vs Negative self-worth
How do you know if things are A-OKAY!?
Well here's a checklist of sorts
A sense of certainty
Confidence that things will be alright
Don't let your shortcomings define you
Aren't afraid to go after opportunities
Have faith in themselves to figure things out
Most people who have all these checked off have set healthy boundaries around how they treat themselves, their work, their people and how they are treated by others.
You are not being arrogant if you ask for respect from yourself and others.
On the other hand, for a person struggling with low self-worth, have a pretty negative view of things
Lack of trust in your abilities
Fear of failure
Difficulty accepting compliments
Focus on weakness
Minimize your needs
Lack of boundaries
Please others
How do I know all of this? I've been going through the trenches myself and I'm still not all the way there yet. I don't fear failure as much , but I still have difficulty accepting compliments.
Improving self-worth
I won't pretend that I know what I'm doing, But I'll share some things that have worked for me
Doing enjoyable things - I've been writing and journaling a lot, which seems to be giving me some positive reinforcement.
Exercising - I go on a week every day at 6 PM, about a 3 KM walk. I know I can walk more if I do this in the morning. But the fact that I walk every day under any circumstance is enough to moderate my mental state for and give me a moderate strain with a way to reinforce the idea that I can do hard things.
Challenging thoughts - I write this essay to challenge my thoughts. I journal every day to talk myself out of my limiting beliefs
Stop comparing - I'm building a business online and I see people winning every day. That sometimes hits me like I'm not doing anything and I'm a failure, but in fact I'm building something I want and doing things the way I want. So it is stupid of me to judge myself on what others have done. It would be the same for you too.
Forgive yourself for past mistakes - I find this to be the hardest but most rewarding of all things. I do this by writing or self-talk. You can do it in any way you like. Think of it like writing a letter to your past self.
All of this is going to be hard if you haven't done it before, and you will wish to back out the moment things are uncomfortable but just bear with it.
Here's something that might be helpful
I recently found a newsletter while surfing Instagram, And while working my way through it I found this issue you can read.
You can trust the author's POV because she is a personal development coach and a creator.
Final Words
Deciding what you are worth is completely up to you. And the one thing I've learned in this long journey is... your belief matters more than your knowledge.
Because your wrong beliefs can break you, crack your personality and crumble you down. It's better to just focus on the bright of things.
So on this cringy note, I bid you farewell.
until next time
Be weird and curiosity
S
P.S. If you are interested in info products and building an information-led creator business, check out Wide Thinker Letters. Series issues go out every Sunday.
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